I’m on record as saying that 2025 was, for me personally, a really great year. I released four books and started finally finding my audience. I wrote two complete books. I started working professionally in editing and graphic design, including making all my own book covers, making new covers for many of my older books in the process, as well as covers for friends. I created an author career plan for myself taking me through 2040, which I’m really excited about. In my personal life, I went on a lot of dates and though nothing was stuck I made some good friends. I paid off my car and felt like I was finally getting my finances under control in a sustainable way. I continued my regular gym habit and got into the best shape of my life, losing twenty pounds in the process. I saw nothing but good times ahead (the geopolitical situation notwithstanding).
Then came January 2026. I almost immediately got sick. I slowed my pace out of physical necessity, secure in the knowledge that I had wiggled room in all of my writing deadlines. I started to feel better, and then immediately got sick again not even a week later and repeated this cycle for the next three months. It wasn’t until the middle of February when I finally went to the doctor (I Know!) that I found out that I had viral bronchitis which was triggering an extreme asthmatic reaction. I was exhausted all the time (probably because of the lack of oxygen). I finally figured out what people were talking about when they talked about Brain Fog. The Viral Bronchitis didn’t seem so serious of an ailment that it should have knocked me on my ass this way, but it did. I was probably very close to developing pneumonia. After receiving antibiotics (for a developing opportunistic infection) and being put on two different types of inhalers, I finally started to feel better around the middle of March.
Around this time my car, which I had paid off the past October, decided its transmission was a decorative object, and the estimate to fix it was more than the car was worth, so I had to take out another car loan and start that whole thing again, thus destabilizing my finances once more.
Since I was feeling better, I ramped up drafting production again and tried to go back to the gym. Big Mistake. Around April 1st I got sick again, and it felt more serious this time. I was literally not able to do anything but lay down and sleep, even if the sleep wasn’t restful. I did go to the doctor right away this time and he confirmed that it was another bout of Viral Bronchitis (I was really getting sick of this particular rerun). This time it lasted about ten days and so far in the back half of April, I’ve started to feel much better. I still have a little bit of a lingering cough but even that is going away (knock on wood).
I thought ‘Good. I can get back to work and the gym,’ and immediately hit a wall. My drafting capacity, which last year had been 2500-word sessions four times a week, was reduced and I couldn’t force my way through the barrier. A gym trip confirmed that I had lost nearly all my hard-won conditioning and it was back to being miserable again. I’d gained fifteen pounds back. What was more, my capacity to do multiple things in a day was much reduced. Before I could handle four or five major things but now I was lucky if I could do three. My physical and mental stamina was shot to hell.
I was kind of in denial about this for about a week, thinking if I could just push through, I would be back to normal, but that did not seem to be possible. So, I knew I was going to have to ramp back up slowly, if even was able to ever get back to my previous stamina. I started with 1000-word writing sessions and recently increased to two thousand. 2500 seems impossible right now, so I’ll probably stay here for a while. Since I was concentrating on writing, I decided to forgo getting back into my regular gym habit until the first part of May, and I’ve stuck to that. I was very annoyed that in no area of my life could I pick right back up where I left off.
So, I’ve bowed to reality and am slowly adding things back. I don’t know when I’ll be back where I was, if I ever am. I might have to manage at this reduced capacity for a year or more. I am giving myself grace about that.
Now, all of that said, 2026 has not been without accomplishments. I released Valley of Storms on April 2 and it did very well for a second book in a series (these usually underperform at first but then pick up over time as more people enter the ecosystem through book 1. Also, nothing, I A/B drafted 60% of The Radiant Tomb. My deadline for that is June 26th, so I’m well within range of getting it finished on time, even with all the time off and the reduced drafting speed. I ran several Facebook campaigns for different books and made money on all of them. My audience continued to grow, and I even got messages from readers who also gushed about my books in readers’ groups. These are not insignificant accomplishments.
I am not telling you all of this so you can feel sorry for me. It’s just a story about no matter what your intentions, life knocks you on your ass sometimes. Sometimes you just have to take the hit and give yourself time to recover. I probably prolonged this illness by at least a few weeks by not going into activity lockdown earlier. What can I say? I was raised a midwestern protestant, and we don’t believe in days off. Days off are for lazy people (I Know!)
The biggest challenge of recent weeks is accepting that this happens. That I let it happen, is the narrative spinning in my head. Many people, including my therapist (Hi Tristanne!), keep telling me that this was not a failure of discipline. I didn’t ‘let myself get behind.’ I wasn’t ‘lazy’ (in fact I probably should have been lazier earlier). I really didn’t do anything wrong except possibly not taking it seriously earlier (midwestern protestant again), so I need to give myself grace about this. I don’t need to work on ‘Forgiving myself.’ There is literally nothing to forgive even though my asshole brain and work ethic doesn’t feel that way some days. I’m most of the way there.
I am looking forward to getting back to a more normal schedule. I am not looking forward to rebuilding my conditioning in the gym, but I know from recent experience that it will only suck for a couple of months. I am adding one thing at a time back into my schedule and pulling back if it feels like too much. I built these habits over years, and it might take months or years to rebuild them. I need to allow myself to that time.
So, right now, I’m working on finishing the A/B draft of The Radiant Tomb. Every book I work on is my new favorite book I’ve ever written, and this time is no different. I’m also doing my final proofread for The Calculus of Hope before I send it to the external proofreader (my bff Nick. I do his covers and he proofreads for me). That book is on track for a July 2 release, and you can preorder it now.
So, I know I am not the only one with a similar story this year. Illness has been all around as well as <flails at the state of the world> it’s a hard time to be creative, but for me, my work is a source of joy, and it feels good to engage with it again.