As humans, we have the tendency to frame things in terms of future circumstances. I’ll be happy when … After this week things will calms down … when I finish these projects I can finally relax … Once these three things happen, I will be satisfied … and this feels true to us, because why wouldn’t it? And to a certain extent, when the goals are centered on removing obstacles to happiness, like poverty and/or overwhelming workload, we can see a bump in satisfaction. Even then, though, it doesn’t last for long.
The Problem is the human brain. The way things work, we get an immense hit of the neurotransmitter dopamine in anticipation of meeting a goal. This is called the pleasure hormone sometimes, but for me it’s more of a reward chemical, or satisfaction. This spikes as we get closer and closer to our goal and then when we meet it, we might have a little bit of a spike but then it immediately falls off. And then we have the come-down.
Have you ever been really excited about meeting a big goal, but once you do you find the whole thing underwhelming and you’re not sure why you bothered? This even feels the same if we get some sort of external reward for it, like a raise or a medal or giant trophy. We’re ecstatic up to the moment we receive the reward, and then our mood falls off a cliff.
This happens to me every time I finish a book. I get a huge surge of dopamine in the final chapters and then, right when I’m done, I have a 3–5-day bout of depression. Some of it is the ‘What am I supposed to do with myself now?’ question, but most of it is just the natural rhythm of our brains. We stop receiving dopamine when we’re not actively working toward a goal.
How I personally deal with this is called ‘The Pivot™.’ The second I finish a goal, I already have the next one lined up. One book finished? Take a couple of days off to rest from the final push but then get to work on the next one. People living the corporate life will always start aiming for their next promotion the second they receive the one they’ve been working for.
This all seems incredibly unfair. Why can’t we finally get to a state of happiness with our accomplishments? I’m sure there are evolutionary reasons for this, but mostly this is what keeps people striving for achievement, and that is not altogether a bad thing.
People from all walks of life report that they experience The Comedown. Some of us do experience more of a plateau before the drop off. We might get three days or so of feeling good about ourselves, but then the brain gets restless and starts looking for new sources of dopamine. This also doesn’t seem to be a Neurodivergent/Neurotypical thing. It happens to both groups, though the experience might be a little more pronounced in ND brains.
I share all of this, so you know there is nothing wrong with you. We’re not wired to stay satisfied for the long term. This is literally one of the things that makes us human. But I don’t know, maybe it afflicts sapient aliens too. It wouldn’t surprise me.
So, build this into your self-concept. Have a back-up goal in mind for when you meet your first goal. Pivot to the next thing. It doesn’t mean as humans we’ll never be happy, but we need to find our happiness in the striving and not the result.
There is no destination. It’s journeys all the way down.