For many years, I struggled to be consistent with my habits. I could do something for a couple of days, or even a couple of weeks, but then I would lose steam, and I would just kind of stop, sometimes without noticing. Part of the problem was that I was under so much stress and living a life under duress that didn’t satisfy me. My needs weren’t being met, which left me in survival mode, unable to keep up the good habits that might have made me feel better.
But in 2019 I threw off that false self, came out of the closet, and decided that Writing was going to be the central activity of my life. And I started developing habits that actually stuck, adding one or two here and there over time. But they were more than habits, they were rituals that grounded me in my body, my mind, and my life, and now, six years on, they are touchstones that keep me going even when things become difficult. So, I thought I would talk about what those rituals are and how they work, in the hope that it could be helpful for other people.
One caveat, I am in the privileged position of not having to work a day job I hate, and also my kids are grown. For people in different phases of life than I am, coming up with healthy rituals seems like an impossible ask. To which I say, start small, the way I did. I did not start doing all these things at once, they evolved over years of trial and error as my life circumstances continued to change. It can be the same for you too.
The first ritual, and the one with which I try to start every day, is with some sort of exercise. It started out as a simple walk once I was up and awake. Sometimes this was simply around my neighborhood or at a nearby park. It took me about an hour, but there were days when I would literally just do fifteen minutes. Now, obviously, this could take some advance planning when the weather was inclement, or it was too hot. This ritual has lately expanded to include two or three mornings of going to the gym and putting in full body workouts combined with 40 minutes on the treadmill. I also go sometimes just for the treadmill when it is too hot to walk outside (i.e., most of the summer, though usually if I get up early enough, I can do it outside).
This ritual is important because it grounds me in my body. Getting inside in the sunshine helps me combat sleep inertia and get a good start on my day. Some writers recommend getting their writing done first thing, but this absolutely doesn’t work for me. It takes time for my brain to begin to function, so it makes sense for me to drop into my body first. If you’re not a morning person, I highly recommend this strategy.
Sometime after my walk/exercise session, and usually before I start my writing, I engage in a journaling practice. This was inspired both by Julia Cameron’s morning pages and Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones. I fill the front and back of a sheet of paper in a Moleskine notebook with whatever is on my mind. This is usually not super structures, though lately I have been using a tarot pull to inspire what I journal about if I don’t have something else on my mind that is more important. This is an important part of engaging my brain for the upcoming work, though I usually don’t blog about my writing. It’s a way of doing a brain dump and getting all the nonsense out of my head so I can focus on what I really need to do later.
Since Lent this year, I have paired this with reading a page of a devotional booklet my Episcopal diocese gives out and then writing a page of a prayer. I process my thoughts by writing, so it makes sense to write my prayers out as well. The prayers are only one page long and have a structure to them that I won’t share, but that pulls me through the process. This has been an important part of my spiritual formation in recent months, and part of my reclaiming of my faith even though I am neurodivergent and queer. Together, these practices help me with some heavy emotional stuff, as well as just clearing the cobwebs so that I can truly unleash my focus when it comes time to do the writing.
I also have rituals around when I start writing for the day. I start out with a ten-minute or so guided mediation focused on creativity or focus. This gets me in the right mindset to unleash my powers on whatever I am working on. It prevents me from staring at the screen for a while before words come to me. Then, when I am done with the meditation, the first thing I do is give an edit to whatever I wrote in the last session. I make this easy on myself by typing all new words in green text, so I can find it easily the next day. Once this edit is done, I am now grounded in the story. I jot down a couple of notes about upcoming scenes, and I start composing new words (typed in green). I also get myself into the writing zone by playing a playlist I’ve created in Apple Music of hundreds of Movie, TV, and Video Game scores. His is the perfect background music for my books (although I wasn’t careful enough building the playlist and occasionally during an intense battle or sex scene something like the Super Mario Bros Theme will come on which can be a real mood killer).
Another ritual that doesn’t feel like a ritual is a couple of times a week I have my BFF Nick over and we watch TV, or movies, or play video games. This is vital because if I’m on my own too much I get in my head and this can cause me to spiral mentally Nick is also a writer so we talk a lot about our books and what we’re working on, and this gives me someone to talk about plot problems with.
There are a couple of weekly rituals, namely my appointment with my therapist, and my Sunday Church service. I won’t talk about the therapist much, only that she’s really good and knows me very well by this point. I go to All Saints Episcopal Church in Redding, and this is a vital spiritual touchstone for me. When I came out, I thought I was going to have to give up my faith, or at least any formal expression of it. But The Episcopal Church fully includes queer people in their sacraments. They were even going to marry me and my ex-fiancé. The music is old-fashioned, and the service is liturgical, but to be a place where I can worship in a spirit of acceptance of who I am has been a miracle, one that I thought I’d never see. I try to go every week, and Father Aiden’s sermons are usually a highlight of my week. This is truly a church that follows the spirit of Christ’s actual teachings of love and acceptance for all.
There are other rituals, like going to our local Queer group’s socials and game nights, but these are less frequent, even though they are still important. If I did not have these rituals, I would not be as happy and productive as I am.
So, I was never a person that formed habits easily. This is often a struggle for neurodivergent people. But these rituals keep me going, keep me grounded, and keep me able to do the work I was put here to do. If you feel like you’re struggling to make and/or maintain progress, I would look for things like this that you can add to your life, even in small ways.