Chad Grayson


For some reason, it has always been horrifically difficult for me to get up in the morning. Even when I get a good night’s sleep, when it’s time to wake up my body and brain go into full-on revolt. I have this monstrous grogginess that comes over me. I get dizzy and head-achy. It’s not a fun process and it takes me a long time to feel ok. I mean, I know it’s like this for a lot of people, but not for everybody. My ex- wife could have the alarm go off then jump into her day. It was very annoying. My daughter is the same way I am.

So, for that reason, I don’t get up as early as I should sometimes. I’m getting better at this. I’ve been trying to get up early enough to take a walk while it’s still cool and have been doing an ok job of this lately. Still, there’s like forty minutes where I just have to sit there staring into space while having my coffee.  

Because I have this problem, I have come to think of myself as lazy. Maybe many of you do too, given what I’ve just admitted to. And because I am not neuro-typical, and struggle with a shitty brain, I’ve beaten myself up about this, like, a lot.

I was doing it the other day, talking to my dad, going, ‘God I didn’t get up until 10:00 this morning, I am so lazy, and my dad looks at me and goes ‘what are you talking about?’ So, I repeated myself and he says, ‘you show up three days of the week to a job that doesn’t even pay you, you are not lazy.’ And I was floored by that.

So, maybe I’m not really lazy? I just have a problem waking up. And I do get a lot done lately. I try to walk 10,000 steps and write 1000 words every day but Saturday. I work three shifts at the library. I keep my house clean. I am rarely sitting around doing nothing. I keep myself busy.

Lazy people don’t write four books in two years. Lazy people don’t invest themselves in volunteer projects.  This is a radical shift in my self-concept.

So, I’m going to stop beating myself up about the fact that waking up is hard for me. It’s not a character flaw. It is a fact of my biology.

Or, maybe I really am just lazy.  

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